I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
