My underwear smells like fireworks.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
