I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Drunk is not a location!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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