one two three fourrrrnication!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
