Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
