Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
