I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
