can we get nightvision for the apartment?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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