no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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