brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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