Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
