As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
