my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
