2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The maid of honor just puked.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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