His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
