i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize