i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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