dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
