It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
