I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
