Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
