dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
