i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Operation Purity has been aborted
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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