Pants 0. Shit 1.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
