Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
