I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
