I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
