Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
