omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
