I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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