they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
