I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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