He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize