Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
