apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
