Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
