Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
