I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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