College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
