Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
