just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
