my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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