Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
