im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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