fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize