Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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