i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
