I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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