I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Randomize
