then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
