the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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