Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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