There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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