Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
