Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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