he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
