How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
