You smell like stripper and shame
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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