let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
