I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
