This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
