I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
