Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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