Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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