Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
