Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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