youre lurking in front of me
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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