I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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