I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
