Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
